Summary of my life

This is a long post, but it's worth reading to the end...enjoy.

To start this story, i am going to need to give a bit of a background. So here goes:

I was bullied in Primary School, not looking for sympathy or anything, it's just what happened, it happens to people all the time, I'm nothing special. The people who bullied me were a year older, so finally in year eight I had a bit of peace from getting attacked. In year eight i had to choose which high school to go to, I pretty much had two ideas of what I wanted to do, either go to a school called Boy's high, an academy type institution thats rules and values were so strict and out of date it doesn't even make sense anymore, or another school caller Freyberg High, a lower pass rate, sure, but this school had different values such as free expression, and creativity and all the rest. unfortunately, a decision that I thought was my own was not, and i was sent to the former, where I was dressed in grey, forced to march and salute be quite and walk in line, oh, and bullied again, because hat's where the same people from primary went a year before me, and no, they had matured over that year at high school like you would think they would've so i was doomed to have 4 more years minimum of them abusing, smashing, and mocking me. Over the course of the four years I spent at this school I made some new friends, not close friends, but friends none-the-less, so I was fine, though I never stopped wanting to go to Freyberg. At the end of my first year at Boys high, we found out my sister was pregnant - she was two years older than me and had a child when she was sixteen. This was somewhat stressful, but nothing too big or anything, and nothing to complain about. So this child came along somewhere around mid second year at boys high. In my third year (year 11 for those who get that system) a lot happened. First, my two dogs died, this may not seem that bad or huge, but these were my first pets, and the first to die, they were two German shepherds, brother and sister. The older, the male, had to be put down due to losing a lot of control over his hind legs, he was about 12 years old. The other dog, who was younger, though we had for longer, died two weeks later at home, she just shut down because she missed her brother, she was somewhere around the age of 10 or 11 at the time. For the latter, I came home from school one day, walked up the drive to see her laying on the lawn, this wasn't unusual, what was is that she woundn't get up like she normally would when I arrived, she just sat there looking at me. She didn't have the energy to walk, so I carried her inside and sat with her until she died at about midnight. My mother was there but my father wasn't, he had gone to Wellington a few hours earlier because he got a call that his Mother, my grandmother, had been emitted to the hospital and was in the ICU. Long story short, the doctors, and everyone, thought she was going to die, but somehow, after several weeks in the hospital, and her entire family being stressed and scared and all the rest, she pulled through, and all was well again. Until several weeks later, I don't know exactly how long but it wasn't more than a month, my parents had a huge fight and split up. I didn't see my father for a few months after that. Then there was my forth, and finial year at Boys high, though, I didn't know that at the start of the year. It was a calm year at first, it was the year of the world cup, and the government thought it would be fun to fuck with the term times, meaning that there were weeks where the teachers were forced to fin in whole topics that couldn't be missed - I missed those weeks. Why? My Grandfather, on my mother side, who had been dying of cancer for about 5 or 6 years at the time (he was told he had weeks 6 years prior, he was a fighter) was on the way out, I went to visit him for about a week during a school time, my Nana and aunts said that when I was there he seemed to be a lot better than he had the previous weeks, he was walking around and talking, but he clearly wasn't quite the same as he used to be. After that week i was at school for about a month before he began to get really bad and I went back down to Blenheim for two weeks to see him before he died, and ultimately attend his funeral. It wasn't until Christmas until we scattered his ashes. I now need to rewind about 6 months to the end of the first half of the school year, me and my 'friends' had a falling out, and my that I mean I stood up for someone, and sure, they stopped abusing said person, and began to abuse me - being honest, this, coupled with all of the other events I have mentioned and some others, made me almost give up on everything entirely, I legitimately began to lose emotional responsiveness, which I didn't get back until the following year, and even now, I am still rather detached. It's because of this that I didn't, and couldn't cry or even show sadness at my grandfathers deathbed, even though I was there holding his hands moments before he died, I didn't cry when they took him out of the hospice, or when he was laying in a box in front of his friends or family, or when they took him away, or even when we scattered his ashed and said goodbye for the last time. I did terrible in my exams that year, as apposed to the year before when I did dead average, this year I failed all over the place. And that brings me to this year - 

This year I had decided to go to a different school, the school I wanted in the first place, I went to Freyberg. I knew other people who were also making the switch from boys high to Freyberg, and fortunately they didn't hate me, nor me them. I even signed up to go on a camp trip in the first month of school. i knew some people at Freyberg already, they were a year younger than me, but they were willing to be my friends. And for the first couple of weeks that's who I hung out with at school, but then there was camp. Leading up to camp there were several meetings and all that other junk they make you do. Now, at one of these meeting a friend of mine from boys high, not close friend mind, but still friend in my opinion, walks in with a group of his friends, and i was just jealous. I just remember being jealous and a bit upset with myself for being incapable of making friends on my own. I also remember thinking that one of his friends was rather attractive...but that's somewhat irrelevant at this point. Anyway, Camp. So i get to school with my pack, ready to get on the bus, there were two, and I just picked one because I only knew a few people and i was too award to check whether they were on either of the buses, fortunately, when I got onto the bus, I saw my friend from boys high, who was sitting next to a girl, and surrounded by other people he sorta knew I guess, there was a free seat across the isle from him so I sat there. We were talking a little bit, though he was more preoccupied playing weird games on his phone with the girl next to him, I also got talking to a couple of the people around him, then a guy came and sat next to me. I knew this person. i had talked to him a couple of times and hung out a bit on our free period, so it was fine. The bus gets going and we all are just talking and having a good time, the guy who sat next to me starts being weird, so I moved seats, now sitting next to this girl who I know nothing about except that she is a friend of a friend and that, being honest, is attractive - yea...this story is suddenly awkward, anywho...If I recall, i manage to upset her somehow, for which i felt terrible, but also, being the awkward person I am, and ever more so back then, I handle it terribly. But she's not mad or anything, upset was probably the wrong word to use just now. so we get to the camp venue, and unpack and immediately we have to go a goddamn walk through the bush. I walk with these people I just met / hardly know, it's a good time, all is good. The next day however...we climb a mountain...yea. So we're climbing up this mountain and this girl, whose name I didn't even know starts walking with me and talking to me and stuff like that. When, I actually just want to walk with the girl I met on the bus. But that's not how it worked out...this is taking a long time so long story short, the girl who was walking with me likes me - and from what I gather it was initially in spite of bus girl (Can you tell i'm trying really hard not to use names because it has to be that way). Just to be clear, I did not like this new girl who walked with me - I was simply too awkward to say anything like "hey I like someone else" or "I don't like you, go away". Spoiler alert, I let it get out of hand and just....bad bad bad. So to put this quickly and bluntly, because this is making me uncomfortable - I ended up dating this girl, somewhat reluctantly, but even though there is social anxiety and other things involved, it takes two to tango, and I accept my role and my actions, however stupid they were. After camp, I started hanging out with this new group of friends, they were good people and my own age and all was well. The weekend after camp was my seventeenth birthday, I spend the entire day painting and constructing sets for the latest city theater musical, 'Buddy'. Because my father wanted me to. He then proceeded to only acknowledge that I was a year older, and not that it required any other recognition or celebration. but that's not important, what is, is that the next weekend, I was put in the actual show, where one again I was awkward and didn't talk to people much for a while. I had to sing and dance and act in that show, my friends didn't come to see me though, but that also, is not important to the story. Over the two week holiday period, I had non stop rehearsals and then shows, day after day. At the time, I was still technically in a relationship with the girl from school, but I was unable to see her over the holidays. At one of the cast parties, a dancer from the show he I was sitting nest to, took my hand and held it. The next day was the only day off for us over the holidays. That was the day that I broke up with my girlfriend, and to this day I feel terrible about that relationship. Two days later this girl who was holding my hand a few days previous kissed me, I kissed back, but the details aren't overly relevant. At the closing night after party, it became relevant that this girl wanted to sleep with me, which I'll tell you right now, we didn't...no no no no no no no...no. no. nope. We did see each other a couple of times after the show, but it didn't really go far. That's the last relationship in this story. After breaking up with this girl from school...things were a little...hostile...I didn't like anyone for the longest time after that, I don't think it was until the break before the forth term that I realized I liked someone...well maybe two people. Which isn't a great place to be. But lets step away from romance for a minute and talk about family, this year, my sister got pregnant again, and is yet to have the baby, and my parents started using me (the only child left living at home since their separation  as ammunition to get at each other, while neither of them truly caring about my needs. My Father got a girl friend who became his fiance' and they are set to get married mid next year. My mother has a long term boyfriend as well. That's actually all I really care to talk about on the home life front...School next I guess, I was doing well for a while, but then forth term came and I started to lose it, and ultimately, i am almost certain of my failure for the year. I lied, there is one more thing I want to mention about my home life - My soon to be step family, I have talked about them before, in anger, I suppose, they aren't that bad, except for the sister, who is a year younger than me, she just attacks me whenever she can, and just genuinely hates me for no apparent reason. I guess the parents saw this, and thats why, straight after my finial exam, they sent me to their small house in a mountain base town with my two step sisters to be. The thing is, being in this abysmal place made me miss a gathering of my friends, and from what I gather, that annoyed people, are they pissed? do they hate me? Have I upset people? I don't know, I hope not. That brings us to now, I miss my friends, who, being honest, I may not see some of them for a very long time, but hopefully I will see them again. This is something that has brought me closer to being scared than anything else ever has. I don't want to lose those I love - that is my only true fear really, everything else is tiny compared to this. in a few days I'll be in a different country, away from my friends, for ten days. I'm sure it will be fun, but still...I have left a few things unanswered in this story, and a few things left out completely. To answer a few things, the two people a began to like at the end of the year, one is someone I haven't mentioned in this story, and have known for several years, and the other is someone I have mentioned in this story. Do I like them now? well one of the people I liked was also like by a friend of mine, so I did my best to try and forget about liking her, because...well, I guess I thought It was the right thing to do by my friend who liked her. And the other girl, I guess so, I mean, there hasn't been some defining moment where I realized I didn't...
Some of the stuff I have missed out are things like boring things that don't really effect the story, and then some things that do effect it greatly, but I still cannot bring myself to tell to the world. I think I have said everything I wanted to in here...I mean, I don't think this would change anyone opinions of me for the better, it actually sort of makes it sound like this year has been all about relationships, it hasn't trust me, i just wrote more about them because I guess they make the story more interesting. I don't know, things are a bit of a mess at the moment. I don't know what else to say, so i'll leave it here.