It's Christmas. yay.

There are times wen I am perfectly content with my situation and my life, I can be so blissfully optimistic. "I'll get a job, move out, save money and go to university - and I will fall in love along the way" that's how I wish I could see my life all the time, but that's not how I feel right now. I feel like I am a failure, barely have a high school level qualification, have no money, job or financial support from anywhere, no awards or qualifications that make employers want to hire me over anyone else. I have no direction, no drivers licence, and I just don't want to sit around for the rest of my life - but I just feel so stuck and alone and it sucks. I have mentioned many times before that I also don't have the option of flatting with other people, because all of my friends are all set and know what they are doing, and that doesn't involve moving out just yet, but I don't think I would survive myself, living another year with my parents - I'd probably hang or poison myself before Halloween, that sounds like a morbid exaggeration...but it really isn't far from the truth.
Being surrounded by people of many different medical qualifications and backgrounds is horrible, they care...but not quite enough to do anything. They will tell me that they are 99% sure I have depression, and that I definitely have social anxiety, and all this other crap that I feel like i was better off before I knew about, but then they offer no support, advise or anything - simply comments like "you'll likely be dead by 25" - I was actually told that, fantastic. I think it would be cool to be an author, though I hear it is a near impossible profession to get into, and isn't overly rewarding. I've always dreamt of being rich, and being able to run away and actually make a difference in the world, just leave this place behind and go help people. That's also something that will probably never happen, because that only ever happens to people born into the right kind of society, and I am a bit too working class for that sort of thing, working class, and yet cannot find any work...how depressing is that.