String Theory

I have sorted out my hall of residence thingy for university, or rather, I handed the job off to the careers adviser  She didn't yell at me like I though she would, I'd never met her and I was surprised to find that she was lovely and took care of everything. even though my chances of getting a place in a hall are bleak, I like the fact that I at least gave it a go. Also, I now know what I need to do to get into University, some of it seems easy, other stuff looks a little more difficult. But I got six credits in one class today, all I need to do is finish two more assessments and that class is done for the year. we had a meeting about a leaving school today. All  I can think is that suddenly I want more time. I have wanted to grow up and leave school my whole life, and now that it is almost over, and I am at another school, I want more time. I just don't think I am ready to say goodbye to people, maybe forever, that I just met this year. I know it is common for people to go through something like this. High school hasn't changed, it is still as harsh and unforgiving as it has always been, but now that it's almost over, I'm starting to pick at the good things that I realize I am going to miss. The hardest part is the people though, I mean there are people I can't wait to get away from, but there are also others who...yea, anyways This is all that has been on my mind recently, I walked out on a maths lesson to get some of this university stuff done - Because I AM over high school. It's been nearly thirteen years. Thirteen. It's weird to think of it that way, and I've just signed up for another few at university. Well done Tom, good job at your hypocritical logic. Why do you experience time faster when you get older, I don't like it, I don't even mind the whole dying thing, but It's the people part of time, they are going to leave me, which I accept - I have come to terms with the fact that people I love are going to die, but I don't think I'm ever going to be OK with having to put other people through that when I go. Of course I am being rather optimistic in thinking that anyone is going to care that I'm dead, but whatever. Perhaps it would be better, leaving this world quietly, not making a fuss or worrying anyone, not leaving a scratch on the face of humanity. But that means I would be doomed into a painfully dull life, or an extraordinarily exciting one, I can't decide which. I'm sort of just bouncing around topics here, but whatever, this blog is for me and my amusement, and I guess the amusement for any beautiful people who decide it is important enough to read. But I am not destined for great things, I'm not going to bring world piece, start WWIII or invent the next big thing, I am going to have fun, that's it. Because my belief, or lack thereof, can be somewhat depressing for someone who does nothing for the human race in his lifetime, sometimes I wish there was a god, or at the very least, I wish I could believe in one, so that I can be grateful or humble or any of that other stuff. But no, who I am is a choice, not sculpted by any religion or God, and that is what I want, that is what I think is best. It's quite funny, I used to love debates about religion, I don't even know why, I guess I just wanted to be smug in the fact that I 'knew' I was right no matter what, I don't know. But now, I really don't want to, talking about religion actually sometimes annoys me, it's not me being a closet Atheist or anything. I'm not, infact I am proud to be so. It's just that I understand, I guess I get it, why people believe, how they believe. They, for the most part, see something amazing and beautiful, and I want nothing to do with even attempting to take that away from them. In some way I am envious, but at the same time not. I don't know, It's weird and complicated and heavy. Religion really is too heavy for something so simple, and light like this. I'm thinking of minoring in religious studies at University, I think having no religion would be helpful when studying others, I find peoples beliefs interesting, but not so much the depth of consequence of them. Religious wars aren't that interesting to me. The thing is that I think religious studies will help me on my way to my dream of becoming the ultimate person reader. That may not be a career path but I think it would be cool to be able to understand people with such depth, even if you have never met them. That dream is kind of ironic considering my social standing with the world, I am a certifiable socially awkward penguin. So there is a party at my place tomorrow, not my party though. It's my Dad's engagement party, I think that means I am obligated to make an appearance, so there will be a bunch of people dressed all nice and proper, then me. In a hoodie, and sneakers. Smooth. This IS just a string of random though, but I can't stop adding too it, once you start spilling brain shit all over the internet it becomes incredibly hard to stop. I will stop now...for the time being anyway, otherwise I may get all open and emotional and awkward...maybe or something.